It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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