I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
