Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
