that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
