I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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