The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
