its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
