I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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