my mouth tastes like poor choices
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
