So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
