i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
