apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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