I'm lost and stupid without you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
