his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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