You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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