do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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