Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Small penises have feelings too.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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