So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
