I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
