and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
