Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize