you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
