a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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