just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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