I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
