i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
