I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
