I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
