i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
