he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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