why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
