She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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