he wants to bone in the snuggie
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
