i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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