I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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