I'm eating all of the evidence.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
