Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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