i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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