Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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