I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
