No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
