Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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