pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
