I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
