sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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