Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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