I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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