If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
