i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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