Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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