You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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