Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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