That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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