my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
