i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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