Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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