my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
