There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
