I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
