Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
