take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
