You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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