the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
