found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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