Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
